Zack's a fat photographer!

About a month ago _ right around Superbowl weekend, whenever that was _ Zack came to visit. We love Zack. He takes the most unflattering pictures of his friends that I've ever seen. And I take some pretty damn ugly pictures of those same friends, so I should know.

Now I'm about to share some of those fotos with you. Because quite frankly, what better use of Fatty's Page is there besides posting embarrassing fotos of the people I know and love (OK, usually hate)? Damnit _ is it embarassing or embarrassing? I'm never gonna get that word.

Here are fotos of Zack's drive from San Diego to San Francisco. Nothing shameful here. Boring? Not at all. It's the 101, kids!

Along the way, Zack took some fotos of people I don't know very well, if at all. Here they are. I have no idea why I put them on this page, except I haven't updated the Website in so long and I just wanted to pack it full of fotos for once. Yes, I really know how to market a Website.

OK, enough of these loser fotos. On to the ugliest Fatties you've ever laid eyes on.

And yes, there's a picture of me. Looking Fatty. Naturally. Just wait a few minutes. First, the close-ups. Zack likes close-ups. Especially highly disturbing ones, like of people screaming and pretending to orgasm. I left off the orgasm ones. People, my parents look at this Website!

(Yes, I know my parents would probably like the orgasm fotos. Yes, I find that as disturbing as the rest of you. But there are decent people who look at this Website, so I've heard. I'm just looking out for the good folks out there who don't like orgasms. And I'm trying to type the word "orgasm" as often as possibly to draw porn surfers to my site. Orgasm.)

The first foto is Kelly eating the floor with a spoon. The second is the worst foto I've ever seen of Liana. Ordinarily I wouldn't have even put it on the page, but there are too many hot fotos of her around here.

Zack also likes to take pictures of people cross-eyed. Or near-cross-eyed. Here are Zack and Liana. They're stuck this way.

The night Zack got to the Bay Area, we hung out at Chris and Kelly's house. We ate a lot (yes, of course) and we played video games a lot (yes, of course). Not that you needed them, but here are the fotos to prove it. Look out for Fatty!

The next day, the Fatties, minus Fatty, went to the Marin Headlands to check out the old forts. I'm being very vague about the old forts because although I've seen them myself many times, I have no idea what they're really all about. Does that make me sound like an idiot? Do I care? Have you seen that foto of me? (Does it matter which one?)

First, the people fotos. The first one, where Liana, Kelly and Zack look honestly scared, was taken inside a pitch black fort. So I'm told.

These are the artsy shots. Very classy. They shouldn't really be on this page, but like I said, I need to fill space. (I'm just kidding, Zack. The fotos are wonderful, and a proud addition to Fatty's Page.)

A few days later, or maybe it was the next day or a week later, I really have no idea, we had a Superbowl party. Zack apparently won lots of money. Fatty ate a lot. And Liana and Mark looked adorable.

See you soon, Zack.

Wanna talk to a Fatty? Email fatty@fattyspage.com.

How about Zack, the master himself? Email zmathers@ps-b.com

Take me back to Fatty's Page!