Standing at the Gate, 
Talking with the Man
Jessica Macbeth
Some years back when I was standing in Death's doorway, waiting to see which way I was to go, I had an interesting discussion with a Voice on the other side. He asked me, "So, what have you learned about yourself? How have you grown?"
I didn't expect that. He didn't seem interested in how much good or harm I'd done to others or myself—just in what I'd learned. It brought me up short, and I remember that I fumbled around a lot trying to answer. Fortunately, the Voice seemed to know what I didn't and was able to help me articulate some of what I'd learned. Even then, in my fuzzy pneumoniac state, I realized that this review was for my sake, not his.
As I mulled this over in the following weeks, I realized that it made sense. What we do to others (and ourselves) is based on our understanding of them and ourselves. The more clearly we see, the more appropriately we will respond. And the more we have learned about the connection and human spirit we all share, the more compassionate we become.
Later on, after I got better and more back into the normal world, thinking about this did clear up a lot of questions in my mind regarding the purpose of life. It gave me a simple yardstick to measure myself by—have I learned anything today?
Of course, this isn't at all about learning facts and figures. It's more a kind of learning that we might call "wisdom" rather than "knowledge". It's about learning why we do certain things in ways that are harmful for ourselves or others. Once we understand the underlying attitudes and beliefs, we have a better chance of changing them. On the other hand, the more we discover the benefits of behaving with compassion and insight, the happier we and others are as we put it into practice.
It seems to boil down to: The fewer inner conflicts we have, the less traumatized by life we are, more bedrock-deep joyful we are, the better we are in the world. We go from being part of the problem to being part of the solution. Simple to understand, but maybe a little tricky at times to carry out.
Copyright © 2005 by Jessica Macbeth. All rights reserved.
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