The Bugle is published weekly in Langford, South Dakota. It has been published for about 100 years to the best of my recollection. I read the paper regularly to keep track of what is happening the town in which I spent the first 18 years of my life. Each week a section called Bugle Notes includes two or three jokes which provide a few chuckles for me and also my wife who is often forced to hear my retelling of the the jokes.

"Waiter!" yelled the distressed diner. "This food isn't fit for a pig!".

"I'm sorry, sir" replied the harried waiter. "I'll bring you some food that is."

Did you hear about the cookbook with a recipe for authenic sponge cake?

An optimist is a person who thinks he can borrow money from a friend. A pessimist is one who has tried.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those who are in touch with it.

The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. If you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the tub for 25 years without the phone ringing once.

The nice thing about money is that it never clashes with anything you'rewearing.

If you want to see a short winter, borrow some money that's due in the spring.

It's tough to climb the ladder of success, especially if you're trying to keep your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel, your eye on the ball, and your ear to the ground.

The quickest way to learn how to do it yourself is to criticize the way someone else is doing it.

Moses wandered the desert for 40 years. His journey, however, does have great historical meaning:

It was the first recorded instance of a man refusing to ask for directions.

The only thing people do that doesn't get better with practice is getting up in the morning.

Los Angeles has both the Dodgers and the Angels. Considering the traffic out there, you are, in fact, either one or the other.

Most middle-aged people would be happier if they had less weight to throw around.

If worrying doesn't cause gray hair, then how come it's so common among the parents of teenagers.

One good thing about always telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

One of the nice things about kids is that they don't keep telling you boring stories about the clever things their parents did.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled the motorist as the police clerk handed him a receipt for his traffic fine.

"Keep it," the clerk advised, "When you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue.

If you think fishermen are the biggest liars in the world, ask a jogger how far he or she runs every day.

There are so many labor-saving devices on the market today that people have to work all their lives to pay for them.

A lot of have seen the light, but for many of us it's the one inside the refrigerator.

You're never too old to learn...unless, of course, you're a teenager

Returning to his seat at the ball game, the fan asked a man seated on the aisle , "Did I step on your feet when I left?

"Well", smiled the man ready to accept his apology, "as a matter of fact, you did."

"Good!" exclaimed the fan, sqeezing past him, "This is the right row then."

At a family gathering, Uncle Bill found himself sitting beside a nephew that he hadn't seen in quite a while. "How old are you now?" he asked the boy.

"Well," replied the nephew, "how do you mean, exactly? When I'm on a bus, when I go to the movies, or in real life?"

One thing you notice in middle age is that middle-aged people are much younger than they used to be.

"When I was your age," the millionaire bragged to his son, "I carried water for a gang of bricklayers."

The son thoughtfully said, "I'm mighty proud of you Father. If it hadn't been for your great determination, I might have had to do something like that myself."

When you laugh at the boss' joke, it doesn't prove that you have a sense of humor, it proves that you have sense.

Did you hear about the cat who ate some cheese and then waited for the mouse with baited breath?

Sam to Fred: "I'm one of those people who takes a very simplistic view of excercise. I figure anyone who can do 50 pushups a day doesn't have to.

The noblest of all animals is the dog, and noblest of all dogs is the hot dog. It feeds the hand that bites it.

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