- A PERSONAL ACCOUNT -
After more than ten years of heroin addiction and countless attempts to get clean, on March 23rd, 1998, I
was blessed with a sudden emergent breakthrough. However, due to my unconventional behaviour due to the event, I was discharged
early and experienced a period of adjustment difficulties that lasted several months.
[A good analogy for the event would be a person who has journeyed to the other side of the mirror. At first
there is utter astonishment; awe struck wonder at having entered another dimension. As soon as the person turns around to
go back, the old "normal' world looks completely different. Left is right. Down is up. A type of panic can occur as naturally,
the mind races to find familiar ground. To others, this person would appear delusional or schizophenic by definition, but
in terms of transpersonal spirituality, this state is as natural (but not fully necessary) as the faltering of a hatchling
bird as it struggles to use it's new pair of wings.]
Although drinking and using was the last thing on my mind (the event was so intense that it flushed out the
obsession and old mental triggers that often lead to relapse), I continued to attend Nacotics Anonymous meetings. Since I
attributed my emergence to working the steps and the subsequent Kundalini energy side effects being a major issue in my life,
I would share this with the group.
I didn't find many who wanted to hear my story. Often I was greeted with skeptisism and remarks such as, "So
you only have four months clean and you're talking like you've won the spiritual lottery... yeah right, kid," or "What kind
of acid were you taking?" or that I was "in denial" and running from my problems by obsessing on the mystical. Perhaps the
most discouraging was a response from a man, a respected "old timer" in the program who grumbled, "Well, my moment of spiritual
clarity happened when my sponsor finally told me I was full of s**t." This was greeted by applause throughout the room. I
felt that the constant re-affirmation of a problem at the core of our being as oppossed to a solution was spirtually counter
productive and as the AA/NA community began to loose its appeal, I began to look elsewhere for support.
After an interesting tour of various religious communities and gatherings of free thinkers in the Los Angeles
area, I eventually found friendship and employment at a local metaphysical book store. It was there I met a handfull of others
in recovery and helped establish an alternative 12 step meeting. At about this time, with a belief in the power of mind and
spirit, I was able to easily quit smoking without any withdrawl symptoms. Another personal mile stone was being clean and
sober for the turn of the new millennium and being asked to participate in an international vigil for world religious peace
and tolerance on New Years Eve 1999.
Although not exempt from the occasional difficulties of life, I have awakened to a world of incredible happiness.
As with others who have emerged, there's a feeling of having completed a circle and coming home; of being comfortable in one's
own body and with our identities... and being at peace with the world with all its diversity. The years of searching and desparate
seeking are over, yet a new, joyful kind of coming back to school becomes the modality of life. Art, culture, the sciences
and nature reveal new dimensions of discovery and appreciation. Growth and change are not only accepted as a constant, but
are embraced as indispensible to eternal spiritual evolution.
As I gaze out at the stars and galaxies, a philosopher's thoughts come to mind, "I would rather live in a
world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind can comprehend it."
I also recall the words, "As above, so below." As we see the greater cause and effect picture of our actions,
in spiritual based recovery we might add, "As within, so without."
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Some of us did not have the luxury of time. To participate in life agian, we needed to have the blessed shock
treatment of personal contact with the Universe (Higher Power, God, Goddess...). And in turn, by contacting our life source,
we blossom and participate in the Universe.
For this process I will be forever grateful.
(name omitted)
North Hollywood, California
