The View From the Outback© 2000 Richard C. Rhodes
A great deal of what we read in newspapers, magazines, and books, and what we see in the movies and on TV is written and produced in New York City or Los Angeles. Much of the "political wisdom" comes from the PR machines of the White House, the Congress, and from the Washington media corps.
In short, one might conclude that all knowledge, wisdom, and wit are confined to those who inhabit New York City, Washington DC, or Hollywood.
I am now a senior citizen. My experience was gained in many cities in the U.S. and in about 30 foreign countries. That experience has included the U.S. Marines, law school, the ATF, the CIA, Fortune 500 executive, writer, public speaker, educator, editor, and publisher - for openers. For over 20 years, I have written articles off and on for various magazines and newspapers. I've had an enormous number of letters published in major national publications. The Outback is the rural area in Northeast Texas where I have lived for the past 13 years. Every couple of weeks I will attempt to post a new set of musings from the Outback.
It is inconceivable that it took one year from the 9/11 attack to disperse some anti-aircraft
missiles around likely terrorist targets. I still have not seen that there is an AA missile battery
stationed at the White House and at the Capitol (the #1 terrorist target). I mentioned a couple of
times in the Outback the need for these weapons to be dispersed, along with attack helicopters,
as early as the column posted on September 20, 2001! I am so disgusted with the
political and military leadership who refuse to offend the tender sensibilities of the American
public and pretend that we still live in a Disneyland state. We are under a state of siege. Guns,
rockets, armored vehicles, missiles and the like will have to be seen as common and necessary.
Get used to it. Get over the idea that "we don't want to live in an armed camp." It is either that,
or you may not be living at all. That should be a pretty easy choice.
The U.S. Senate has been debating the bill which will create the Department of Homeland Security. The House already passed a bill. I happened to catch about 30 minutes of the doddering old fool, Sen. Robert Byrd, D.- W.VA., as he held the floor to prevent a vote on an amendment. Apparently, he spoke for about 3 1/2 hours, and by his own addmission had covered only about 3 1/2 pages of his notes. He shut up only when the Democratic Whip informed him that "the other side has gone home, and there will be no more votes today." The isssue was whether the person designated in the White House to be the liaison or co-ordinator to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS will be a cabinet-level job), should be confirmed by the Senate or be an "advisor" appointed by the president, as Gov. Ridge is now. If you have any faith in your Congress, don't ever watch C-SPAN. Your faith will immediately be destroyed.
Windows XP Service Pack 1 became available on Sept. 9. By some miracle I was able to
download it that evening (just by clicking on Windows Update on the Start Menu). It was about
30MB, but I used my satellite Internet and it took only a few minutes. So far, my computer has
not crashed, so I guess it at least did no harm. By the way, USB 2.0 is supported in XP SP1. The
price of the upgrade download is right - free.
A hopeful sign came out of the World Summit in Africa. The Greens were there exhorting poor
nations to adopt solar and wind power to limit pollution. The problem is that the initial
investment in solar and wind power is very large. The underdeveloped nations told the Greens
"no thanks, we need food and pure water and to grow our economies just to survive." Then,
maybe they can get around to embracing the Greens plans for wind and solar energy. In the
meantime, butt out.
C-SPAN ran many hours of the convention of The Islamic Society of North America. Several
speakers spoke of how Islam is a religion of peace. On balance, that seems like a fair assessment
of the religion. But, they noted that "there can be no peace without justice." I never heard exactly
what they meant by that phrase, but it always got applause. It was reminiscent of the chant of the
African-American community during the O.J. Simpson trail, the beating of Rodney King, and so
on. "No justice. No peace." That mantra had ominous portents and resulted in much violence
over the years. The Muslims need to make very clear what they mean by "justice." Justice for
whom? In what way? Or, the consequences will be?
I had intended to write an in-depth review of "Breakdown," by Bill Gertz. The book is a
historical recitation of the intelligence failures leading up to the Sept. 11 attacks. When I started
back through the book to pick out some of the things I had highlighted, I realized I had
highlighted about 75% of the text. There's your review. Some of the material I had read before,
and some of it I had reported on in the Outback, some of it before the major media. But, as a
compelling history of our intelligence failures, "Breakdown" should be on the bookshelf in every
American home. Oh. You should also read it.
Afer watching thousands of hours of Congressional hearings over many years, I am reminded of
a letter I had published in a major newspaper in which I pleaded not to put cameras in the U.S.
Senate. It was the "you don't want to see how sausage is made" theme. The representatives are
called on to ask questions of the witnesses. They start with a long, often meandering statement,
which is to remind the voters in their district or state how much they are on top of the subject.
Finally, a light goes on in their head, and they remember that they were supposed to ask
questions. The favorite lead is, "Well, I guess my question Is ...." You guess? If you don't know
what your question is, who the hell does?
Flash: The Internet repeals the law of "Supply and Demand." A Web ad for a diet eBook by Suzanne
Sommers posted the following notice: "Because the demand for our product has been so great,
we will be forced to raise our price."
Have you seen the American Express commercial with tennis star Monica ("the grunter") Seles?
The young lady at the cash register who pulls the credit card though the slot and grunts, is a
graduate of the school of drama at Juilliard in New York City. Sarah is the niece of my dear
friend Evelyn Wise, who died a few months ago, and to whom these columns are dedicated.
Sarah visited the Outback several times. During a lunch with Sarah and Evelyn one day, I was
impressed with Sarah's maturity and seriousness about her studies. Some day, maybe in not too
many years, Sarah will be a guest on the a late-night show, having pulled off a Meryl-Streep-like
performance in a movie or on Broadway. They will play that first commercial and Sarah will
wince. Breaking into acting is a long shot - a tough road. Doing your first commercial for
American Express is a big deal, even if your only utterance is a grunt. We're proud of Sarah here
in the Outback.
The Wall Street Journal ran a two-page spread (9/9/02) about which
business schools (M.B.A.) corporate recruiters thought were the best. Dartmouth College was
ranked #1. The University of Texas at Austin ranked #7, Yale was #8, and Harvard #9. The
article stated: "Many recruiters believe Harvard should produce more-humble team players." The
Harvard M.B.A. grads received an average base starting salary of $102,338! And this for
somebody who probably has never sold shoes or run a lemonade stand.
The U.S. Supreme Court is going to take up an appeal regarding the S. Carolina law that forbids
getting tattoos (also illegal to do so in Oklahoma and kids must seek parental consent in Texas).
Do you have any idea how many criminals have been captured because someone recognized a
tattoo that had been shown on a TV wanted show or described in a wanted poster? So, if you are
going to get a tattoo, you better lead a pure and chaste life, because you will be a "marked" man
or woman from that day forward.
At a roundtable discussion of entertainment executives, the subject came up about the impact of
PVRs (personal video recorders like TIVO and the DiskNetwork satellite PVR). Susan Lyne,
ABC Entertainment president, said that "there's nothing revolutionary about TIVO." And added
that PVRs would not catch on. Nothing revolutionary, Susan? How absurd. I will send her my
article from the Outback of Aug.17, 2002 "If You Don't Have a PVR, Get One!" I have been
watching TV since it first came on the air, and have gone through the Beta, VCR, Video Disk,
VHS, and the Super-VHS evolution. Now the evolution has become a revolution - with the
advent of the Personal Video Recorder (PVR). Ms. Lyne, the PVR is as much a revolution as
jetliners were to prop planes. How did you get such an important job with such a poor grasp of
what is going on around you?
The WordPerfect Faithful are rejoicing! H-P and Dell announced that they will pre-load a version
of Corel's WordPerfect Office Suite on selected computer lines. Before the anti-trust action,
Microsoft forced vendors to load Microsoft Works or Office on machines running the Windows
operating system. Even though it is regarded by millions as a superior product to Word,
WordPerfect went from being the dominant word processing program to a tiny market share.
Largely because Microsoft strong-armed them out of the market with exclusionary contracts with
computer makers. It will be a slow road back, but WordPerfect Office 2002, which I use, is a
great package - and cheaper than Microsoft's comparable package. But, Microsoft will always
find a way to stay on top financially. Microsoft is Corel's (WordPerfect) largest shareholder. Like
the Mafia, they find ways to go in the back door when the front door is locked.
How Long Should Americans Grieve For The 9/11 Victims and Families?
On the anniversary of 9/11 I did not watch any program that interviewed survivors or family
members of those who died on 9/11. It has been a year, and I have grieved all I can. I'm all
grieved out. This constant media insistence on continued grieving is beginning to be a morose
burden on the country, in my opinion. Most people won't say that in public, for fear of offending
the memory of those who lost their lives or the surviving families. In addition to coping with the
grieving emotions, we are subjected to a daily barrage of news about continued terrorist threats.
Taken together, this long-term grieving - and the anxiety over more attacks - are taking a very
serious psychic toll, not just in New York, but across the country.
Although the magnitude of 9/11 was much greater than the Oklahoma City bombing, I don't
recall a particularly long national public grieving for the victims and surviving families in
Oklahoma City. There is no national public grieving for the 42,116 people who died in traffic
accidents in 2001, in part because the losses are isolated geographically and spread out over time. I don't remember
much public grieving for the 58,000 American sons and husbands and daughters who died in Vietnam (4711
from New York state). I don't recall much public grieving when 242 U.S. Marines died in a
truck-bomb attack in Beirut.
We all have our own private grief to deal with; the loss of a parent, or a premature death of a
friend or loved one, or a debilitating and lingering disease that afflicts a loved one, a child killed
in an automobile accident, and so on. These are isolated and personal incidents that are not the focus
of national media attention. But, most every person has some individual misfortune and/or
grieving to deal with. There is a limit to our capability to grieve for people we
never met. I think after one year - we have reached that limit as a nation. I hear it privately from
many quarters.
There is a different because respectfully remembering the victims of 9/11 - and resolving to
avenge their deaths - and an ongoing wallowing in national grief. I suggest that if the 9/11 attack
had taken place in Minneapolis or Denver, with the same number of lives lost, the "national
grieving process" would have been much shorter. In part, because so much of the media is
centered in New York and keeps the "grieving process" alive by continuing to interview
survivors and surviving family members and writing every detail of their lives.
This nation poured its collective heart out to the 9/11 victims, in help, in prayers, in contributions
of enormous sums of money to the "survivor charities." There is still a vicious and public
argument about how the federal victim-compensation funds should be allocated. That argument
has no place in a national town-hall meeting on TV. It should be a private matter among the
families and the government and those who administer the funds. Many who have suffered in
other disasters even question the rationale of the federal funds. Some in the heartland perhaps can
be excused if they are heard to say, "That is not our problem. You all work it out on your own."
We should continue to respectfully remember the victims, but it is time for the nation to concentrate on returning to
"normal life" - as normal as it can ever be again. Nobody should ever forget what happened that
day, and it may be necessary to remind people from time to time what the war-on-terrorism is all
about. If our resolve to seek out and destroy terrorists ever falters, show the film inside and
around the WTC towers, taken by the young men who accompanied the firemen - where people
were jumping out of the buildings - and bodies could be head slamming into the pavement. That
will be reminder enough.
Some positive things will carry forward with us. We will no doubt continue to have more respect
for firefighters, police, and paramedics - who too often have been taken for granted. There are
over 8 Million people in New York City. As horrible as the WTC attacks were, the toll might
have been 50 or 1000 times worse with a different kind of assault. That is small consolation to
the families of the victims, but still something that our greatest city should be mindful of as the
city rebuilds and moves forward.
The Fall TV Season
There are a bunch of new TV shows this season. About 70% will fail. Many have the same
format as old shows, with new names and new characters. "Good Morning Miami (NBC) is
another version of "Welcome to New York" - about the trials and tribulations of the cast of a
morning TV show. What an original concept. "Life With Bonnie" (ABC) is another show about a
TV show. "Less Than Perfect (ABC) is also about a TV show. Incredibly, it follows "Life with
Bonnie" on Tuesday night. Write about what you know must be the motto of TV writers. More
time at the beach. It is so much easier than creative thinking.
"MDs" (ABC) appears to be another "ER" clone, but set in an HMO instead of an ER. If you
have ever been a patient in ER or in an Intensive Care Unit, you might not find these type shows
so fascinating. I may be the only person who has never watched an entire episode of "ER." What
a morbidly-curious society we have. "Presidio Med" (CBS) is on at the same time as MDs on
ABC, and is set in San Francisco. The returning "Scrubs" (NBC) is kind of an update of "Doogie Howser,
M.D.," a less-than-serious show about doctors. Or if none of these is to your liking, you could cut
off your thumb while slicing tomatoes and get to see the inside of a real ER. It might cure you
once and for all from doctor and ER shows.
ABC is investing a lot of time and energy in "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter,"
with John Ritter. Top ABC executives even attend taping sessions and make suggestions. I have
never understood Mr. Ritter's appeal, if there is any. When he was in "Three's Company," they
could have had a talking chimp play the male lead. People (men and some women) would have tuned in just to see
Suzanne Sommers. So, enjoy "8 Simple Rules" - all 6 to 12 episodes - or whatever number of
episodes were ordered. Without seeing a single episode, I give it 10 thumbs down. (My family says I am all thumbs.)
"Becker" (also a doctor show, but not so that you notice it) fans should be pleased at his new
time, Sundays at 7 p.m. Central, following "60 Minutes" on CBS' "Reggie," the lady who ran
the dinner, will be gone. She will be missed. The first episode airs Oct. 6. Don't be confused by
the 7:30 pm and Sept. 29 debut you see in print. TV scheduling is dynamic - and chaotic. There
are all those darts to throw at the programming board at the last minute.
FOX canned "Ally McBeal," as it wore out its welcome about two years ago. But, now comes
"Girls Club," about three lovely attorneys in San Francisco. It is written by David E. Kelley, who
wrote "Ally." The guy never gives up. They cancel one lawyer show with a bunch of lawyer
babes (Ally), so he quickly writes another one - with some new babes - and moves it to another city. He must have
thousands of boilerplate scenes, ideas, and pieces of dialog in his computer. A global Find &
Replace with a new set of names and a different city and you have a "new" show. Whatever his
methods, he is a genius.
ABC brings us "George Lopez," a comedy show about an Hispanic family. I hope it does
well, as Hispanics have funny lives too. Often funnier than white families or black families.
"Boston Public" (FOX on Monday) will see some changes. David E. Kelley will no longer be the
Executive Producer, and a couple of long-time characters will get a pink slip. This was one of my
favorite shows until they started the nonsense with the lady with the prosthetic hand (I wrote
David E. about that). Worth taking a look at.
"Boomtown," (NBC on Sunday) is getting rave advance notices. It is set in L.A. (no, who would
have thought?) and views life from four angles, the media, the politicians, the police, and the
citizens.
I will miss "Spin City." And "First Monday," which was the show about the Supreme Court. I
guess "First Monday" failed because it was too thoughtful, and lacked sex, violence, pratfalls,
and shootouts. "The Job" bit the dust. It was a refreshing spoof of cop shows, and I will miss it.
And I still pine for the loss of the "Bette Midler" show. She ought to sue the writers and
producers of that inane show for providing one of the most outrageously talented entertainers we
have with such a stupid bunch of casting and writing.
"Monday Night Football" (ABC) has finally rid itself of Dennis Miller. I was true to my vow. I
never watched MNF while Miller was there. Now, there will be just Al Michaels and John
Madden in the booth. Why do football producers think that it takes three people to tell us what
we see with our own eyes? For years, I have been fed up with Madden's rambling drivel and
have actually muted the sound on some games when he was in the booth. But, I see a change in
John since he teamed up with Michaels. He seems more calm, more thoughtful - and not as full
of crap. Now, if he could just learn to shut up as the play is about to begin. That is why they have
a play-by-play announcer. I'm sure John Madden thinks the other guy is just someone who
interrupts his brilliant observations. The playing of the football game is indicental. Would it be a national calamity if there were occasionally
10-20 seconds of silence between plays? The networks must think so.
Here is an excerpt from the Outback for Nov. 17, 2001:
"NBC is working on a pilot for a TV comedy show starring Adam Sandler, Norm Macdonald,
and Jon Lovitz. I predict the show will be a disaster and that Jeff Zucker (NBC Entertainment
president) will regret that he said, "We're thrilled to be in business with Adam Sandler and his
first foray into TV." Adam Sandler is a clown and a buffoon. Norm Macdonald has no
discernible talent. He was horrible on Saturday Night Live. His TV show was cancelled. Jon
Lovitz is a near comedic genius and, of course, an old SNL regular. I feel sorry for Mr. Lovitz,
who is the only one of the three with any real talent. I could be wrong, but so far I have done
pretty well. It will take until the fall of 2002 to find out. Just thought I would get my two-bits
worth in early. I will apologize if I am wrong. Not much chance. " (end of excerpt)
I don't see the Sandler/Macdonald/Lovitz show on the new schedule. Has Zucker finally come to
his senses? On a TV talk show recently, Adam Sandler called himself a "buffoon." At
least one of the Hollywood elite understands his place in cinematic and TV history.
When is Saturday Night Live going to dump Jimmy Fallon as the Weekend Update co-anchor?
He is so insecure and inept. He was on with Leno a while back and he acted like a ten-year old
who had been called to the principal's office. You had to listen closely to understand what he
was saying. Jimmy Fallon is a testament to how TV can make stars out of people by telling
everyone they are a star - even if they have no talent. Tina Fey rules on SNL and is the only
reason I record it. The skits on SNL are so poor, that MADTv looks like The Hallmark Hall of
Fame in comparison.
Be sure to catch the opening show of MADtv on FOX (Sat. Sept. 14 at 10 p.m. Central). Tape
SNL or record it on your PVR, so you can fast forward to Tina Fey and Weekend Update. Or, if
you like to see our President humiliated and degraded, you could also watch the opening of
SNL.
So, there you have it. Shows about doctors, cops, lawyers, TV morning shows, spies, and
dysfunctional Caucasian, black, and Hispanic families, and people who go to remote places and
eat bugs. The names and faces have been changed on many offerings, but there will be a familiar
ring to most. There will be about 15 family sitcom shows, often replacing comedies about self-
centered singles.
Nearly every show seems to be set in L.A., New York, San Francisco, Miami, or somewhere on
the East of West Coast. What about Omaha, or Des Moines, or Raleigh? They're nice places.
How about a show starring a meat packer from a small town in Iowa who marries a famous TV
star and becomes a celebrity in his own right? It could be called "Weird and Weirder." The script
has already been written. The writers could spend the whole day at the beach - smoking their
joints and snorting Cocaine.
When we lived overseas, we were aware that people prejudged us from what they had seen in
American movies and TV shows. Now, they get even more of our output. Foreigners must think
that everyone in America is a lawyer, a doctor, or a cop. Who's building all those Fords and
Chevys, they must ask?
A Flashback. I must have said about five different times how dreary "Millionaire" was. At one
point, I said to ABC, "Don't bet the farm on it." The WSJ reports that ABC relied so heavily on
"Millionaire," that it failed to have new comedies and dramas ready when the "Millionaire"
ratings dropped faster than expected.
There is one bright light to having so many news shows. There will a lot of unknown actors
appearing in many of these shows. Some real talent is bound to emerge, and the TV networks can
quit writing a comedy show around every person who ever did a standup-comedy act - many of
whom can't act their way out of a paper bag.
After each episode on HBO of "Sex and the City," "Arli$$," and "The Sopranos," I often say out
loud, "what a great show." "Arli$$" is probably one of the most unheard of and unheralded
shows on TV. The writing is brilliant and often poignant - leaving you laughing and crying. That
does not happen very often with network "formula" shows. They may have short seasons on
HBO, but they work on the theory that quality is better than quantity. You do have to get over the
initial anxiety as to which engrossing part of a show will be interrupted by a commercial - and
finally realize that there are none. Go to the bathroom and get your beer before the show starts.
You can print Fall TV Schedules from several sites, among them: www.epguides.com and
www.tvtome.com .
Help Your Letter Get There - Use the Right Address Form
Many individuals, businesses, and governments in the U.S. still print their mailing address with
the state name spelled out, such as PO Box 10, Austin, Texas 7XXXX - even on mailing
labels. The Postal Service sorting machines like to see the two-letter abbreviations to sort mail,
such as TX for Texas and ME for Maine. Every child in school ought to be taught the two-letter
state abbreviations, just like they learn the state capitols (who are you kidding). You can find a
list of these two-letter codes at www.usps.com and many other sites. The Postal Service has a
new booklet entitled "A Customer's Guide to Mailing" which contains the list, among many tips
on addressing and mailing letters and boxes. Ask your postmaster for a copy.
The Postal Service state abbreviations and some of the other useful abbreviations are also on my
Web site. Click on "Postal Service Abbreviations" at the end of this column. Print them.
(www.home.earthlink.net/~rickhgtx/uspsabbr.htm)
As a public service, here are some hints from US Postal Service publications. You can download
the pubs from www.usps.com, and the top choices are Publication 28 and Publication 221.
The USPS prefers that you use all uppercase (capital) letters and sans-serif fonts (like Arial) in
the address, although their machines can read most common type fonts, such as Times Roman. A
12-point font is probably the norm, although the machines can read sizes from at least 8-18
points - for sure. Don't use Script fonts! If you hand address, it is better to print with all caps, and
on an even line, not at a slant. The OCR machines are smart but not clairvoyant.
Don't try to test the scanner by using colored inks, just stick to BLACK.
(A sans-serif font is one with straight lines and no curly-cues at the end, such as Arial. A serif
font has parts hanging from the lines, like a line at the bottom of an uppercase T or the drooping
edges at the top of a T, and so on. Times Roman is a serif font.)
Use NO punctuation except hyphens and slashes. And use two spaces between State and
ZIP.
In WordPerfect, the default for the Address Book is to put a comma between City and State and
ONE space between State and Zip. You can make a Custom setting "No Punctuation" - where
you remove the comma and put in two spaces between State and ZIP. Word probably has a
similar tweak.
Here is a sample address form:
JOHN DOE
Notice that Suite is not spelled out, but it is STE. There is a standard list of abbreviations at the
USPS site and also contained in Pub 28 and the much shorter Pub 221. AVE for Avenue, BLVD
for Boulevard, EXPY for Expressway, PKWY for Parkway, and STE for Suite, are a few. All
those years you thought you were doing them a favor by spelling AVENUE and PARKWAY.
The USPS suggests that you should not use dual addresses, such as both a street address and a
PO Box. But, if you do, place the delivery address, usually the PO Box, on the line above the city
and state. And the street address above that. Sometimes a vendor (like Amazon.com) will ship
small items via the Postal Service and larger items via UPS, FED-EX, etc. So you must have a
dual address on file with them. I learned the hard way.
JOHN DOE
If you use a # sign, as in APT # 7, there must be a space between # and 7. Better to just use APT
7. It is WASHINGTON DC, not WASHINGTON D.C., by the way. Remember, no periods,
unless they are an essential element of an address, such as "Mailstop 20.1" or whatever.
Use ZIP+4 if you know the whole thing. You can find ZIP and ZIP+4 information at the USPS
site, right down to a single apartment in a huge complex. Are you getting the idea that
www.usps.com might be a good site to bookmark?
If you use a mailing label, put it on straight. I think I read once that the OCR scanners could only
recognize the label printing if it was within 5 degrees of the horizontal. (Barcodes must be within
5 degrees of horizontal to be read, so that is a good clue.) If you are mailing a lot of label-
addressed mail, it would help if you cut a 3x5 or 4x6 card so that it would reach from the top or
bottom of the envelope to where you want to place the label. Or, you could use a T-square. Oh,
so that is what they are used for.
An envelope has an OCR READ AREA, where the optical character recognitions is done by the
sorting machines. Extraneous words or graphics should not be in this area. On a #10 business
envelope, the OCR area is a border 5/8 inch from the bottom of the envelope, 1/2 inch from both
edges, and the top of the area is 2 3/4 inches from the bottom. Keep your return address, logos,
and sales messages out of that OCR area.
The OCR scanners produce a barcode that you will see at the very bottom of your incoming mail.
That is, if your address is in a correct format. You can bypass this one step in the post-office
sorting process by inserting a barcode in the address of the recipient. Both Word and
WordPerfect provide this function. I prefer to put the barcode on the line above the address, so
that it never will stray outside the OCR READ AREA.
Mail addressed to foreign countries has some other fine points to note.
For Canada, an address should follow this format:
MS HELEN SAUNDERS
Notice that the provinces have two-letter abbreviations, such as ON for Ontario, BC for British
Columbia, and so on (see Pub. 28).
All other foreign mail should follow this form:
INGE DIETRIC-FISHER
If your friend has an address that deviates from this format, at least be sure to put the COUNTRY
by itself on the last line.
Now that the Postal Service uses OCR sorting machines, the old computer adage about "garbage
in - garbage out" is relevant. Try not to feed the OCR machines too much garbage.
Tennis Is A Very Simple Game
After watching many hours of the U.S. Open tennis tournament, I starting thinking about a small
booklet I put together over a Labor Day weekend many years ago. In those days, I was a tennis
nut. I played as often as six days a week at a club with an Australian pro. I attended the World
Championship of Tennis finals every year, the women's tournaments, and the mixed doubles
tournaments. I had no trophies on my mantle, but I somehow managed to beat a lot of people
many years my junior, including two guys who are in the pro football Hall of Fame.
People kept asking me how I managed to win so often, especially giving away 10-15 years in age
to many of my opponents. I had a fast serve, and good ground strokes - sometimes with some
smoke, although it took me years to graduate from a defensive sliced backhand to a topspin
point-winning shot. I was also quick at the net and had a crisp volley. But, there were a lot of
people around who had better serves and better all-around strokes.
One day, I decided to answer the often-asked question and wrote a small booklet called "Tennis
Is a Very Simple Game."
First, get your first serve in. I had watched literally thousands of amateurs wind up and try to kill
the first serve, like they saw done on TV or at the pro tournaments. Most of the time they missed.
Many of them probably missed their first serve 90-95 percent of the time. So, in essence they
were really serving a soft and safe serve, because they were usually down to a second serve. And
back it would come like a rocket. If your top speed is 120 mph, and you never get it in, you are
better off dropping back a few mph until you find a speed that you can actually get the ball into
the service court. A very simple concept ignored by the macho millions.
Look at the court as being composed of a U-shaped playing surface that is 18 inches wide. That
means 18-inch alleys on each side, and an 18-inch section across the back line of the court. Aim
to get your ground strokes into this tiny playing area. With amateur players, you seldom see a
winner hit back from within 18 inches of the baseline. Likewise if the other player is running full
tilt to chase down a ball that hits in the 18 inch alleys at the side.
Again, resist the temptation to hit "big shots" every time - that mostly hit the net or go out of
bounds. Find a speed where you can consistently hit the 18-inch "U" and practice rallying back
and forth at least 20 times, hitting from side to side and deep to the baseline, without hitting the
net or knocking a ball out of bounds. If you can find somebody who can get it back 20 times.
Finally, learn how to volley crisply and hit overheads. Keep hitting the ball deep until the other
player returns the ball short, or pops one up - and then race up and pounce on it. If you are patient
with your deep shots, eventually the other player will grow anxious and either hit it out or offer
up a short ball. Rocket winners are nice. But, many points will be gained by letting the other
person make a mistake. In a pro match, check the number of "unforced errors" by the loser.
Of course, there is a lot more to the game than I have discussed. But, until you can get your first
serve in consistently, can hit deep and to the sides consistently, and can confidently come in and
knock off a short ball with a crisp volley, or smash an overhead, there is no point in working on
the finer points of the game. There is no point in working on your strategy if you don't have the
tools to implement that strategy.
I took the game up in my late 30's. I had an interesting tennis mentor. A 65-year-old Chinese
man in SE Asia took me under his wing one day and said he would teach me how to win at
tennis. Using the pointers outlined above, within weeks I was beating players who had played for
many years. My Chinese friend would smile at me and nod as my opponents whacked their first
serve into the net and hit blistering ground strokes into the net or out of the court.
My Inscrutable Oriental friend had taught this 210-pound gorilla, who had been a baseball
catcher, a fullback and a linebacker, to suppress my macho instincts to kill the ball and play a
more patient, a more controlled game. I never took a lesson from a pro, but later in Dallas I did
sit on the balcony and watch others being taught by the club pro. And I learned a lot from
attending those hundreds of pro tennis matches in Dallas and from watching tennis on TV.
My idols were Laver, Rosewall, Smith, Ashe, Newcomb, and Borg. When John McEnroe won
the World Championship Tennis finals in Dallas, I turned in my 3-rd row end-zone tickets and
never saw another match. McEnroe was, and remains, a jerk. John McEnroe helped start the
trend toward accepting all kinds of outrageous behavior by pro athletes, as long as they played
well. Thanks, John, for your contribution to modern social behavior.
COPYRIGHT 2000 Richard C. Rhodes
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