June 28, 1999

Dear Mr. Sullivan:

For a long time I have used a sliced-up Twinkie to conceal my dog's heart pill. The other day I noticed that the price of a pair of Twinkies was $1.09 in one place and $0.98 in another. Twinkies have always been overpriced, but this is ridiculous.

I am suggesting to Mr. Alan Greenspan, by copy of this letter, that he need only track the price of Twinkies to gauge the inflation index. For it appears that the price of Water, Sugar, and Air has risen dramatically. Time to raise interest rates.

After a diligent search, I located a Creme Filled Finger (Mrs. Freshleys/Mrs. Smith's), a Twinkie look-alike, for 25 cents! If you double that for two servings, that makes the competitor's product selling for half the price of a Twinkie. Let's not quibble that the individual Twinkie is 43 grams and the "Finger" is 40 grams. My dog does not appear to be able to tell the difference between a Twinkie and a Finger. I doubt many humans could either. I will never know.

I am a former marketing director in a division of a $9 billion food-service company. I am sure you sleep well at night, since you have long ago inured yourself to any guilt feelings that you have for charging such unconscionable prices.

Regards from the Outback,

cc: Alan Greenspan

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