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George Bush

George Bush has never been known as the manly type. Even though he was a World War II fighter pilot, he's long had a reputation for being wimpy.

Ol' George used to be pro-choice on abortion, not to mention pro-ERA. But when Ronald Reagan made him his Vice President, George abandoned his own beliefs and starting talking like Phyllis Schlafly.

And it was the whiny-voiced George that the Democrats thought was most vulnerable in 1988. He was the one they wanted to run against that year. Lucky for him, they ended up with a short guy with a foreign-sounding name. (No, not Herve Villechaize, but you're close.)

At the 1992 Democratic National Convention, Georgia Governor Zell Miller said George talked like John Wayne but acted like Barney Fife. Even Roger Ailes, his campaign consultant, was said to have told him to quit flapping his arms like a fairy.

George was not a smooth talker. Sometimes his sentences would come out so garbled that you had to wonder what kind of medication he was on. Campaigning in Idaho, he bragged about his close relationship with Reagan, saying, "we have had triumphs, we have made mistakes, we have had sex."

Just curious, George -- did Ronnie know about this, or did you do him while he was napping? No, really, I'll give George the benefit of the doubt this time. Ronnie doesn't seem like his type.

George is hard to figure sometimes. What I think will go down as one of the greatest mysteries of the 20th Century is: why in the heck did he pick Dan Quayle? Why didn't he get a smart one? Why did he pick a guy whose main assets are a pretty face and a tight butt?

Some folks thought Danny was George's impeachment insurance -- that the Democrats would never try to get rid of George as long as they knew they'd end up with Danny. And that would've scared them, all right.

Faced with a tough reelection in 1992, George must have had high hopes that Bill Clinton's campaign would be derailed by the Gennifer Flowers fiasco. But George apparently had his own affair to cover up. According to Susan Trento's 1992 book, The Power House, he had been getting some on the side, too.

The story goes that he had an affair with a State Department employee who worked for him back in the early 1970s. Some reports have suggested that the affair spanned nearly 20 years. Trento alleged that George and the woman shared a private cottage in Geneva in 1984.

The U.S. Ambassador to Switzerland told Trento's husband that it was clear they were having an affair. But the ambassador died of cancer four years before the book's publication, so with no first-hand substantiation, press coverage of the affair was scant.

George, you old sneak! No wonder Jerry Ford let you run the CIA.