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Henry Hyde

No, not Henry! He'd never do that. Would he? Well, he did.

First elected in 1974, this Illinois Congressman was regarded by his Republican colleagues as one of their most distinguished and forthright members -- not that there has been much of a contest lately. He has that wise, grandfatherly look, and his conservative credentials have been bolstered by his relentless attacks on abortion.

But then we learned in 1998 that Henry was an old homewrecker, and the news couldn't have come at a worse time -- just as his judiciary committee was awaiting Ken Starr's Monicagate report.

What was Henry's dirty little secret? Back in his swinging days as an Illinois House member, this wily married man sneaked around and carried on with a 29-year-old married mother of three.

It was no one-night stand. It got so serious that she moved to an apartment he set up for her. And he got away with it for nearly five years -- that is, until his wife got the lowdown from Henry's lover's ex-husband. So that was the end of that -- no more girlfriends for Henry.

And what was Homewrecking Henry's explanation? He says they were just good friends "a long, long time ago." Yeah, a real good friend. Then it ended.

"The statute of limitations has long since passed on my youthful indiscretions," he explained. Youthful? Henry, you were 45 when it ended. So how old were you when you finally grew up?

Henry's not looking too good these days. It must have been frustrating for him, knowing that folks were giggling behind his back during the impeachment proceedings.

There he was trying to convince us that the impeachment trial was not about sex. Oh, no, he said, it's about perjury and obstruction, and President Bill's got to go. But Henry must have known folks were staring at him, thinking: this is that same guy who said during the Iran-Contra hearings that it was okay for Ollie North to lie to the Senate. Well, so much for Henry's credibility.

In his summation before the Senate at the end of the impeachment trial, he said, "I wonder if after this culture war is over. . . an America will survive that's worth fighting to defend."

Aw, don't be such a gloomy Gus. Sounds like you could use a little "youthful indiscretion."