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Susan Carpenter-McMillan

She's the attractive California blond who took little Paula Jones under her wing, gave the poor hillbilly girl a few fashion tips, and hit the airwaves as her spokeswoman.

It was Susie who convinced Paula to reject a $700,000 settlement offer from Clinton's lawyer, which drove Paula's first legal team to quit the case. After going through two teams of lawyers, the case was finally taken over by Susie's husband, Bill, who, according to Susie, would demand pictures of the President's genitals.

Susie calls herself a conservative feminist. Other folks have called her a publicity-seeking opportunist and a media hog.

For years, she was spokeswoman for the Right to Life League of Southern California. She had opposed abortion even for victims of rape and incest. But then she left the group, claiming woman-hating men had taken over the movement. That's funny -- I thought they'd always been in charge.

Susie's departure came shortly after it was revealed that she'd had two abortions herself: once as an unmarried coed in 1970, and again in 1983 while she was a pro-life activist. When asked if that didn't make her a hypocrite, she said that's "my own personal life." Hey, isn't that the same argument the pro-choice folks have been using?

Susie's a woman of many contradictions. When the Clinton-basher was asked on Politically Incorrect who would she choose if she could have sex with any famous person in history, she answered: President John F. Kennedy. So one famous womanizer is to die for, but the other one's scum. Women! Go figure.

But, then again, Susie's special. How many women do you know who can pee standing up? Susie says she can. Hey, maybe we need to see photos of her genitals.