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Dick Armey Sure, Dick Armey sounds like a militant gay rights group, but it's not. No, this Texan's the House Majority Leader, the second highest ranking officer in the House. Dick began playing second fiddle to Newt Gingrich in 1995, and he would have had the same job under Bob Livingston if Bob hadn't called it quits. Now he's under Speaker Dennis Hastert. Poor Dick. He wants to move up, but he's stuck. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride. But Dick screwed himself when he got involved in a botched coup against Newt in 1997. Then he weaseled out, ran to Newt and tattletaled on the other coup leaders after he realized his coup partners wouldn't back him for Speaker. He was next in line to succeed Newt, but the others wanted somebody with charisma. Dick doesn't have any. Nada. Poor Dick has the same personality defect that has plagued Newt. They're both former college professors. You know the type: think they know everything, but never know when to shut up. And they don't know the difference between being smart and a smart-ass. In 1995, Dick caused a stir when he called Congressman Barney Frank "Barney Fag." Then he said it was an innocent slip of the tongue. That's OK. I understand, Dick Breath. I slip up all the time, Dick Head. See, I just did it again. But you know how it is. Dick Armey, Dick Head -- they practically rhyme. |
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