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John McCain

This third-term senator from Arizona is running for President with a resume that makes him look like a shoo-in. He even looks like a leader. But tell that to the Republicans.

Tall, handsome, and a bona fide war hero, John McCain was a Navy aviator who was held prisoner by the Viet Cong for over five years. He was beaten and held in solitary confinement. That's a long time to go without sex, and the food probably sucked, too. I've heard the spring rolls at those Vietnamese prison camps were a little stale.

John seems like a fun, outgoing guy. He was a big partier in his younger days. He ran into trouble a couple of times, though. Womanizing destroyed his first marriage, which he freely admits. His wife, Cindy, is his second.

During his first Senate term, he became known as the lone Republican of the Keating Five. Keating was a savings and loan operator convicted of fraud. The Five got in trouble for meeting with regulators on his behalf. John received a mild rebuke from the Senate Ethics Committee.

But otherwise, John seems like a standup kind of guy. Besides his war record, he has made quite a name for himself in Washington. He's bold, candid, articulate, and an independent thinker like his old political mentor, Barry Goldwater.

John has led the way for campaign finance reform and against the tobacco companies. He has often proven himself willing to challenge moneyed special interests. For those reasons, the media loves him, and the public would likely respond in kind.

But not the Republican establishment. They don't want to put a lid on soft money -- the unlimited, unregulated donations that political parties solicit and dole out to candidates.

They want to keep the money flowing. For die-hard Republicans, there's never too much money when it's in their pockets.

Hey, maybe John's in the wrong party. No, wait, he's anti-abortion and pro-NRA. Never mind. You stay with the Republicans, John. You're just what the Republicans need -- a long, sharp thorn in their sides. Thanks, dude.