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Bob Dole

What a career this guy's had -- Senator from Kansas for 27 years, Majority Leader, Minority Leader, Gerald Ford's running mate in 1976. Plus, he ran for President three times, and in 1996 he was the Republican Party nominee.

Now he's the poster boy for Viagra, the miracle drug all the old guys are taking for erectile dysfunction. Beats the hell out of selling Depends underpants, huh, Bob?

Bob's been married for over 20 years to Elizabeth Hanford Dole, the former two-time Cabinet officer and Red Cross President. She's his second. We call her Liddy sometimes, but she doesn't like that.

He met his first wife, Phyllis, at the medical center where he got therapy for his right arm, which was mutilated during World War II. She helped him recuperate, and when he returned to college still disabled, she followed him to class, took notes for him, wrote his papers, and even jotted down the answers as he dictated them during the Kansas bar exam.

But work demands in Washington kept him away from home a lot, which Phyllis didn't like, so their 23-year marriage fell apart.

During the 1996 presidential campaign, Bill Clinton wasn't the only guy accused of getting some on the side. An old girlfriend came forward and said she and Bob had an extramarital gig going when he was still married to Phyllis.

But Bob seems to be behaving himself now. Until recently, Liddy was running for President, so he couldn't afford to slip up. But he did get in trouble once when he told a reporter he had doubts about her candidacy and that he might raise money for one of her opponents, John McCain. Oooh! Shouldn't have said that, Bob! I heard you got sent to the woodshed for that. A little date with Mr. Hickory Switch, huh -- and probably lost your Viagra privileges, too.

Liddy might have made an interesting President -- not just for what she would have done, but to see ol' Bob trying to be our first male First Lady. I guess we'd have to call him something else, though. But what? First Guy, First Hubby? It sure would be funny seeing him serving tea to the Ladies Auxiliary, or giving tours of the Lincoln Bedroom. Maybe they'd let him do some guy stuff, too. Who knows?