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Steve Forbes

Steve, the next time a guy offers you makeup, don't run away screaming, "I'm not a sissy!" Take the makeup, hide those pock marks, and if you get acne, don't pick at it.

You can't help thinking that the guy's rich as hell, so why doesn't he spend a few bucks to spruce up his looks.

His personality could use some work, too. He's as charming as a cardboard box. No, wait -- little kids love cardboard boxes.

Steve runs Forbes magazine, but his main claim to fame is that his daddy was Malcolm Forbes. You remember Malcolm, the adventurous, flamboyant old guy who rode a motorcycle and cavorted around with Elizabeth Taylor. Then after he died, we found out he'd had boys on the side.

But hey, Steve's done well, too. What an amazing success story he has -- a young dorky guy moves up the corporate ladder of his daddy's magazine. They don't make them like that anymore.

Steve lives with his family in a $26 million mansion. Until recently, he flew around in a $7 million company jet. But Steve says he's just a regular guy. Regular? He's talking about bowel movements, right?

You've probably heard he's giving it another shot for the presidency. In 1996, he spent $37 million to win a measly 76 delegate votes (out of a possible 1,990). That comes out to around $400,000 per delegate.

This time, he's willing to blow $50 million, and he has even put the family-owned island in Fiji up for sale to raise extra cash. He figures his dad would want it that way. Twice, Malcolm had tried running for Governor of New Jersey, but he never made it. Some folks think Steve should set his sights a little lower and run for New Jersey's Senate seat in 2000. But Steve's got his heart set on being the Prez.

Like he did in 1996, he's still pushing his flat tax proposal, but he's also talking up his new pro-family, anti-abortion credentials. This son of the famous gay father has aggressively courted the support of Pat Robertson and his fellow Religious Right homophobes. It's a strange thing to watch.

In his 1996 campaign, he aggravated that same crowd by supporting gay rights and displaying a Robert Mapplethorpe picture on his yacht. It wasn't his Dad's, though. There were no naked guys holding S&M toys in this picture. Just a seascape, without sailors.