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Clarence Thomas

Clarence almost didn't make it to the Supreme Court. With a mostly administrative background and a judicial career that spanned barely more than a year, he was hardly the most qualified candidate.

But the Court's only black member, Thurgood Marshall, was retiring, and President George Bush needed a black nominee to avoid being called racially insensitive. After all, it was George's campaign that had used those awful race-baiting Willie Horton ads.

But there weren't many black Republicans to pick from. Sammy Davis, Jr., had passed away, so what other blacks were left that the rednecks would support? That left George with Clarence.

Then along came Anita Hill, a University of Oklahoma law professor who charged that Clarence had sexually harassed her when she worked for him at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. The EEOC, oddly enough, is the agency that enforces sexual harassment laws.

Anita said Clarence had described scenes from his favorite porno films -- scenes that involved group sex, bestiality, huge breasts and penises, and porn star Long Dong Silver. She also said he bragged about his own penis and how he had satisfied so many women who'd blown him.

The most memorable moment during the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings came when Anita repeated Clarence's come-on line, "who has put pubic hair on my Coke?" I wonder if that line has ever gotten a guy laid.

Despite the raucous hearings that almost derailed his nomination -- a "high-tech lynching," he called it -- Clarence was narrowly confirmed by the Senate.

But the hearings accomplished something else. It got the public talking about -- and many companies addressing -- sexual harassment in the workplace.

And it got women asking, "hey, why aren't there any women on the Judiciary Committee?" Answer: because only two out of 100 Senators that year were women (and in the 435-member House, only 27). And the numbers had never been any higher than that.

The next year, women ran for public office in droves. After the 1992 election, their numbers swelled from two to six in the Senate and from 27 to 47 in the House -- a new record. After the 2000 election, their numbers went up to 13 in the Senate and 59 in the House. So, in a way, Clarence really was a "chick magnet."

So how's he doing these days? Well, he's no Thurgood Marshall. Or E.G. Marshall. Hell, he's not even a Penny Marshall.

I don't think the Court has had to consider any pornography cases since Clarence came aboard. But if they have to watch a few skin flicks -- well, let's just say it's a good thing he's wearing a robe.