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Elizabeth Dole

With a husband at home hopped up on Viagra, what's a woman to do? If you're Liddy Dole, you get out of the house and run for President.

Oops! She doesn't like it when you call her Liddy. She might bite your head off, so watch it! But otherwise, she's as sweet as taffy. The sugar just drools from her mouth, although she probably wipes it off daintily with a tissue before we can see it. Lyndon Johnson, the first of six presidents she worked for, used to call her "Sugar Lips."

Since then, she has served in two cabinet positions: as Reagan's Transportation Secretary and Bush's Labor Secretary. And until recently, she headed the American Red Cross.

She's strictly a career gal. She married Bob Dole when she was 39. He has a daughter from his first marriage, but she never got on the mommy track. But hey, if you don't have time for your kids, you shouldn't have them, so -- good for her.

But Liddy -- there I go again. Hey, Elizabeth's a mouthful and too formal. If you don't like Liddy, how about Liz? Or Eliza, as in Eliza Doolittle. Nope, you won't like that one. Folks might start saying you're all talk and a do-little. So, for now, I'm sticking with Liddy. It doesn't sound bad. It's catchy.

Anyway, Liddy has a reputation for being a perfectionist. She rehearses everything she says, along with her hand gestures, and even counts her footsteps for perfect timing.

But poor Liddy had to throw in the towel. She was making history as the first serious female presidential candidate. She got a lot of young women excited about her. She gave it her best shot, but female candidates always have a hard time raising cash because it's the guys who have all the money. (Plus a certain Bubba down in Texas was raking in all the bucks.)

It's really too bad. It would've been fun watching this sweet Southern belle slugging it out with the guys. And wouldn't you have loved to see her running around Iowa in bib overalls kissing hogs. Yeah, right on the lips!

But we'll miss that. Thanks again, Dubya.